Published: October 19, 2007 12:56 pm            

REFLECTIONS: 'Til death do us part?

They called it quits. Put an end to it. He packed his bags and left. After 19 years of marriage, it is over. I have not known any married couple who divorced since I’ve met them and didn’t know what to say when Susan told me the news.

I am sad and somewhat discouraged; sad for Susan and Joe and sad for their children. I know first hand how devastating divorce is to a family, particularly to children. Life as they know it will be forever changed. Their youngest daughter will be most affected but, regardless of their age, all the children will suffer; probably in silence and most likely for a lifetime. They will long for the life they knew before their parents called it quits, whether it was a good or a not so good life.

I am also discouraged to conceive that a marriage of 19 years can just end; that it’s possible to turn your back on a lifetime of creating memories. Perhaps I am approaching an age where our friends have been living unfulfilled marriages for far too long. Perhaps I have not been married long enough to understand the demons that married couples battle internally. I know that being married is not always easy. Often times it is not fun and, occasionally, we might second guess ourselves. But, overall, the prospect of ending a lifetime together is far more difficult than working at and reaping the benefits of years of sharing a life together. I also believe it is far more difficult to contemplate the loss of the one person who knows you more intimately than anyone else in your life, the loss of the comforting reassurance that comes from living day to day with that person and the loss of celebrating the ups that are achieved by working through the downs.

No one can truly understand the individual thoughts of any one person, no matter how well you know them. And so I cannot even begin to imagine the problems that Susan and Joe had in their marriage or the reasons they really wanted out. I am sorry that they did not have a support system to help them through those problems. I believe that the strongest marriages I observe have a common denominator — a strong, shared faith in God and the willingness to seek help during difficult times. Aside from spousal abuse I hope, for children’s sake, that anyone considering a separation/divorce seek help from external sources to repair their damaged marriage before destroying the life they have worked so hard to make. For what is the purpose of a commitment to marriage without the willingness and effort to try and make it work?

Linda Crist is a member of the Greater Niagara Newspapers advertising department. She is a Grand Island resident.

        

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